For reasons that will (well, may or may not) become apparent, I’ve decided to become a ventriloquist. Not professionally, you understand, although that certainly does have its temptations. It’s just something I’d like to learn because I can envisage all sorts of amusing possibilities.

This desire is constantly being reawakened because I keep stumbling across great acts on YouTube, many culled from America’s Got Talent, like the one about the guy who purports to train exotic birds.

But the one that really tickled my fancy was when the ventriloquist turned Howie Mandel into a human puppet. This one had me laughing so hard it hurt.

I’d love to be able to do this. I originally assumed it would take years of hard work to become even moderately proficient, which would have “counted me out,” as it were. But I’m informed by a quick search on the interweb that it should require only a couple of weeks to master basic techniques like lip control. Of course, achieving performance-level proficiency will require several months to years of practice, but “what the heck,” I cry (it won’t be long before I can do this without moving my lips).

And how would one go about learning this art? Well, I’ve just ordered a book that boasts excellent reviews, Ventriloquism Made Easy: How to Talk to Your Hand Without Looking Stupid, by Paul Stadelman and Bruce Fife. I doubt that I’ll master the “without looking stupid” part, but I’m prepared to give it a try. Watch this space… (and cover your ears).