A few days ago, my chum James “Chewy” Vroman sent me a link to an article on the WIRED magazine website. The tempting title of this little rascal was Old Sci-Fi Movies Probably Aren’t as Good as You Remember. Well, that’s hitting below the belt — how could any self-respecting science fiction buff read this without wanting to discover more?
I really didn’t have much on my mind (I know you’ll be surprised) when I clicked on this link, until I saw the movie Zardoz mentioned in the first sentence.
OMG! Zardoz! This was a 1974 Irish-American science fantasy film (and later a book) set in the year 2293 starring Sean Connery and Charlotte Ramping. The entire film was shot on a budget of only 1.57 million US dollars… and it shows. On the other hand, “The costumes alone are worth the price of admission to Zardoz,” as it says in the Zardoz entry for The Top 10 Greatest Bad Movies Ever Made on the ZIMBIO website (Zardoz came in #7 and — like you — I’m going to check the other entries as soon as I’ve finished writing this column).
Critics found Zardoz to be confusing, poorly acted, and full of atrocious dialogue, but that’s what made it so…
Hmmm. You know how some candies are so delicious they are dangerous, while others are so unpalatable as to make you gag, and then we have sweets like sour patch worms, which make you pucker your lips and grimace, but which still have you coming back for more. Well, Zardoz is like the king of the sour patch worms of science fiction.
As an aside, two thoughts just popped into my mind: young Oliver Twist saying “Please Sir, I want some more” to Mr. Bumble, when he went bowl in hand to request more gruel (which tastes as good as it sounds), and Chip (played by Kevin Bacon), saying “Thank you, sir, may I have another” during his Omega initiation in the 1978 movie Animal House. But we digress…
Moving on, some science fiction/fantasy films are awesomely good; some are dreadfully bad; and some fall in the sour patch worm area in the middle. In addition to Zardoz, a couple of others that I feel belong in this category are the 1968 movie Barbarella, staring Jane Fonda, and the 1975 movie A Boy and His Dog starring Don Johnson (the original 1969 narratives by Harlan Ellison were great, but the movie… definitely a sour patch worm).
But it isn’t all about me (it should be, but it isn’t). How about you? Can you think of any science fiction or science fantasy films that you feel fall into the sour patch worm category?
Galaxina, 1980. I think it falls even below the three you mentioned. It was one of a slew of really bad SciFi movies that followed Star Wars. I have the capacity to watch some really bad movies, but I gave up about 15 minutes into this one.
But if you gave up after 15 minutes, that just means it was a dud — the definition of a sour patch worm in the context of science fiction films is that you can’t stop watching it (even though you may want to).
You’re right. I did miss that subtly in the definition. Possibly because I don’t eat Sour patch Worms. Meeting the correct definition would be Son of Godzilla, which I just watched last weekend. Are Godzilla movies considered Sci-fi?
That reminds me — I have to tell Sean I want my costume back (he’s a bit forgetful these days).
At the risk of being accused of blasphemy-
2001: A Space Odyssey (or as Mad magazine called it “201 Minutes of a Space Idiocy”). I had to watch to the end to find out what everyone was raving about. Turns out, they were just raving…
Blasphemy!!! Now, I agree that if you hadn’t already read the book this film would be a tad confusing — but what sort of poor soul hadn’r read 2001 before going to the movie (apart from you, of course). If you already know the story, then the film is awesome.
Did you know that 2001 and Planet of the Apes (the one with Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowall) both came out in 1968. PotA got awards for their crappy monkey/ape costumes, 2001 didn’t … because the costumes/makeup were so good that the critics thought they were looking at trained primates!!! (But I’m not bitter)
How about Android – 1982 or Saturn 3 – 1980?
Re Android (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083557/) I never saw it, but I just read the description: “A strange doctor secretly experiments with androids on his space station. His assistant is Max, a curious android who wants to see the world and meet a girl.” As I always say when I introduce myself: “Max, the name of every dog and every robot in every science fiction film”
Re Saturn 3 (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079285/) — I think this qualifies on the low-edge of “sour patch worm space” (where no one can hear you scream) — it’s one step up from being a dud — the description pretty much gives you a clue: “Two lovers stationed at a remote base in the asteroid fields of Saturn are intruded upon by a retentive technocrat from Earth and his charge: a malevolent eight foot robot.” The only really unique thing about this film is that the robot was called “Hector”