Deflector Beanies for Stupid Peoples’ Wireless Routers
If you are afraid of deadly 5G signals emanating from your Wi-Fi router and beaming around your home, then the Router Guard is an ideal product for you.
As we all should know by now, an Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie (AFDB) can be used to shield one’s brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers, but how can we set about affording similar protection to the wireless routers in stupid people’s houses?
Fear not, because there is a solution. My chum Jay Dowling just alerted me to the fact that there is a Router Guard product available on the market, where this little scamp can block up to 95% of the radiation generated by a wireless router. The one I saw is only $89.25 plus $9.99 shipping from Amazon — it fits almost all Wi-Fi routers on the market, is easy to use, and requires no tools to install. Amazingly enough, they still have some in stock, so if you order one right now it should arrive in time for Christmas.
This innovative device is brought to us by the folks at EnviroMeasures, who also offer a slightly smaller version for only $62.95, but why pay less?
As the EnviroMeasures website tells us, the Wi-Fi routers in our homes emit an electromagnetic (EM) field 24-hours a day. By placing your Wi-Fi router inside a Router Guard, which is essentially a cheap-and-cheerful Faraday cage, you can slash the EM radiation to as little as 5% of its original signal strength.
Of course, there are many bogus products on the market, but you may rest assured that Faraday cages (also known as Faraday shields), which are named after the English scientist Michael Faraday, who invented them in 1836, are a well-known technology that is based on proven science. If there is one thing a Faraday cage is good at, it’s blocking electromagnetic fields.
The EnviroMeasures website also notes that the Router Guard in no way affects the upload or download speed or performance of your router. On the one hand, this is certainly true as far as it goes (which is inside the Router Guard). On the other hand, since the signal strength outside the Router Guard is now diminished to only 5% of its original value, users should anticipate a corresponding attenuation in range (in some cases, it may be necessary for users to be in the same room — preferably within a couple of feet — as their router/Router Guard combo).
Do you recall my earlier column on The Untold Link Between 5G and Coronavirus? Well, according to this column on the Daily Dot website, some people who aren’t afraid of challenging mainstream scientific thinking are buying Wi-Fi router shields — like the Router Guard — to block 5G signals emanating from the Wi-Fi router in their homes. Unfortunately (or happily, depending on your point of view), they are doomed to success.
On the bright side, today’s routers don’t use 5G cellular technology, which is what conspiracy theorists tend to worry about. However, today’s routers do employ 2.4 GHz and 5 GHz Wi-Fi technology, and it’s fair to say that the Router Guard will dramatically diminish the strength of these wireless signals.
So, there you have it. “You pays your money and you makes your choice,” as the old saying goes. One option is to keep your money in your pocket, in which case you can continue to enjoy normal Wi-Fi operation. Another possibility is to splash the cash on a product like a Router Guard, which will do its best to block your Wi-Fi signals, dramatically diminishing your router’s ability to perform the task for which it was intended. As always, I’ll be interested to hear your thoughts on all of this, but please take off your aluminum foil deflector beanie first so I can hear them clearly, or else post them in the comments below.