For reasons we don’t need to dwell on here, I was recently reminded of the fact that — a few weeks ago as I pen these words — I was watching that great American classic movie, Departed with Flatulence (I believe it was released as Gone with the Wind in the south).
Staring British stage and film actress Vivien Leigh as Scarlett O’Hara and American film actor Clark Gable as Rhett Butler, this was an epic production with a run time of 221 minutes on a good day, or 238 minutes if the fates are against you and you are forced to sit through the overture, intermission, entr’acte, and exit music.
As you may recall, this epic tale relates the story of Scarlett O’Hara, who is typically described as “the strong-willed daughter of a Georgia plantation owner.” Personally, I could come up with several descriptions that I feel are a tad more apt than “strong-willed,” starting with one that rhymes with “itch.”
Why was I watching this movie for what seemed to be the 1,000th time? Well, I was informed by my wife (Gina the Gorgeous) that this came under the heading of “Quality Time” and you can’t (well, you’re not allowed to) argue with logic like that. Happily, I wasn’t condemned to suffer this delight in this movie alone because we were joined by my son (Joseph the Commonsense Challenged).
Halfway through the film, after the tide of war has turned against the Confederacy, Scarlett makes her way back to her family’s cotton plantation in Georgia. The plantation has been pillaged by Union troops, the fields left untended, and there’s scant food to be found.
While Scarlett meanders her way through a field, she stumbles across a small turnip, eats it raw, throws up, and then cries to heaven proclaiming, “As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.” It is at this point that the intermission image appears and the intermezzo music commences, but Joseph didn’t realize this was just an interlude.
“Well,” he said in a dour and cheerless tone as he stood and prepared to exit stage left, “that was the worse ending for a movie ever.” Strange to relate, my informing him that we were only halfway through the film failed to return him to good cheer, and he departed muttering something about turnips under his breath.
How about you? Do you class this movie as being an epic, or just as being an epically long movie? And, either way, what would you class as being the worst movie ending of all time?
Where’s the *spoiler alert*! Having never watch Gone with the Wind, I can honestly say that you’ve not tempted me to.
If you haven’t watched it by now, you probably aren’t going to. If you do, you can rest happy in the knowledge that when you see a turnip, you know you’re halfway through 🙂
Luke, you kissed your sister! AND how come the Wookie does not get a medal?
Vger, Vger, what the h man!?
At first I thought “How does he know my friend Luke?” And then I realized what yuou were talking about LOL
If you’d asked which was the worst or the slowest movie, I could have come up with more names, but worst ending? I’ll have to think some more.
I do remember thinking that the end of Rosemary’s Baby was a little disingenuous- SPOiLER ALERT. All the names of the series of chief witches were an anagram of a book title featured in the story called “All Of Them Witches” END OF SPOILER ALERT
The best part of the movie, and perhaps of most movies, was Mad Magazine’s takeoff- “Rosemia’s Boo Boo” (if I remember correctly)
“…but worst ending? I’ll have to think some more.” I didn;t want to make it too easy for you 🙂
This summer, while out for a walk through town, I found a turnip in the middle of the road so I guess my life must have a lot in common with the scarlet person. Either that or I didn’t really pay attention when watching the movie.
“I didn’t really pay attention when watching the movie” Well, your luck is in, because doubtless it will be playing again on a channel near you sometime in the not-so-distant future — just grab a bowl of turnip-flavored popcorn, sit back, and enjoy!
You could punnily compress the title of the blog to “Defarted”!
oops, is this a family program? Apologies.
These are the jokes “The Muppet Show ” refused 🙂
Watch the short version “Went With The Wind”.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x380nyj
That was really funny. Did you ever see “The Way it Should Have Ended” videos, like the one that wraps up “Lord of the Rings” in around 2 minutes? https://youtu.be/1yqVD0swvWU
For me, the all-time worst ending of a film ever has to be the 1962 version of Day of the Triffids. As you may recall, the novel ends with humanity (or at least the British contingent thereof) retreating to the Isle of Wight because they find themselves unable to defeat the triffids. In this lame, awful, poor apology for a film, they discover that, would you believe it, triffids dissolve in sea water. Not even a solution which requires any ingenuity, just squirt them with salty water. It’s so utterly lame it’s not true.
I’d forgotten all about that — you are right — it was a crappy film and a crappy ending. Now I come to think about it, the time is ripe for remakes of films like The Day of the Triffids, and The Midwich Cuckoos — did they ever make a film of The Kraken Wakes? If not, that would be a good one. I’d also love to see a movie version of The Chrysalids.
I cannot think of this movie without being reminded of the Carol Burnett parody, which is mentioned below. The “dress from drapes” scene was what made that sketch so unforgettable. Since you mentioned the muppets, they did a version too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7F0We_LhaE4. And another one called Goon with the Wind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ja6FHM0bmz4
I remember watching the Carol Burnett parody — I think I saw a rerun with it in just a couple of months ago — I don;t remember the ones from The Muppet Show, but I just enjoyed watching your links — thanks for sharing.